Findhorn Ecovillage

The beginning of the official, designated, purpose of this blog.

2/16/11
Been at Findhorn for a few days now. Time is going very fast. This place is deep, real deep, and what is going on internally is tremendous. The moments of elation parallel the moments of trouble, but they are flowing together to create a harmonious song. Ever since arriving my contemplative impetus has been quite powerful and has only been encouraged when I take time myself. I'm having a difficult time, however, finding balance between my social projection and my internal experiences. Findhorn is a place of tremendous learning and healing. The forest is imbued with a consciousness that bespeaks tremendous intention and love. For me, the deepest healing is happening, as it always does, on the heart level. Complete surrender to love is the truth of awareness and of God, there is no other teaching. It feels really good to be working with Earth again. Actually, every task that I have been appointed has been so sweet. My activities are beautiful meditations and my enthusiasm has been in full force. Sweet dance party last night in the kitchen, there was a great crew of people from all over the world and we were dancing to Lady Gaga! Yesterday afternoon was an opportunity that I feel I've been waiting for for some time, maybe a lifetime. We had an opportunity to go to the Findhorn river and explore the surrounding terrain. Scottish forests are something that speaks so deeply to my imagination and the ancient past. Thank you God! Everywhere I walked was like the culmination of some great journey and I couldn't stop the feelings of devotion and reverence that overwhelmed me. An archetypal presence overtook me and I was at its behest completely. The behest of the beast. I felt like I could kill wild animals with my hands and teeth, and that it would be the most sacred offering unto the power of the Most High. I was overtaken and completely in love. I think, however, that I might have offered myself a bit overzealously. Upon returning to what I would call my waking persona, I was quite shaken and very sensitive. This is what, I would say, has been the biggest difficulty with the closeness of this community is that, although I have been having some tremendously spiritual experiences and my energy feels as if it is embracing all existence, I want to rest in that though, let it move through me, let myself be transformed by it. And in this space I find myself confronted by a lot of social giddiness and activity which, I must admit, has recalled a lot of past insecurities. I feel though, that because the community is so close together all the time, it will ultimately end up as its own spiritual reality. I must say that it is a little foreign to me to be surrounded by people practically all the time. There is a tremendous vulnerability that I am experiencing. Raw. But it is all tenderness and love.