I found the pot of gold.

There's a transformation at hand and it is unspeakably beautiful, conceptually mundane. The work has begun. I see that my experience of positive and negative emotional states is just as much a ruse as acquiring new philosophical conceptualizations. I will not rest until I can truly rest. I see that the only truth is one wherein all things are included but not contained or isolated. All the parts are themselves whole, but they too help to create a much larger whole. Love is like that. Limitless. Thank God. The last week with this group has deepened a considerable degree. Right from the beginning my old wounds were right in front of me and I am so grateful that I have had the opportunity and the space to explore them and find healing. Nothing is solved nor will it ever be, there is only a consistent and continual surrender to something that I don't understand and don't know. I have realized the integrity of group process as a spiritual path. I understand why the circle is so sacred and learning to hold and provide the nourishment that all parts of the circle require is something that only real elders can do. For those who I have contacted thus far, thank you. I am becoming more and more inspired to give license to my voice and presence. I have been afraid of myself and my voice for so long, but I see that is because I breathe fire. I have been crushing a piece of coal into a diamond for the past 23 years and I feel it shining brighter than ever. "Random hearts in a cruel cruel world, Random hearts that beat for each other." I just have to thank god for this voice and the intrinsic intelligence with which it is imbued. Every time I speak from my heart and offer to anyone the words that are on my mind, and the quicker and more spontaneously I do so, the better I feel and the better I feel in community, the better I feel in a group. The primary concern of community is honesty, and the more honest we can be with ourselves, the more honest our communication with others will be, and the more honest our lives will become. To Love, To LOVE, TO LOVE.